Paths of redemption
by kalime80
Summary: Harry and Draco try to cope with the aftermaths of war; inspired by Calanthe's Mudhoney trilogy: heed the warnings inside!


**Disclaimer:** everybody knows they are not mine, 'cause they belong to each other - erm- to J.K. Rowlings. The plotline is by Calanthe, and this is meant as a tribute

**Warnings:** poetry, alternating p.o.v.s, lack of periods if at the end of a verse (it's just my style), dark and kinky themes - the boys do a lot of things not easy to stomach (not really graphic, but still...), happy ending nonetheless

**Author's note:** the longer stanzas alternate between Draco's and Harry's p.o.v. (Draco's ones are in italics), the two-verse underlined ones are intentionally ambiguous and can belong to both. This is darker and kinkier than anything I ever wrote: after reading the Mudhoney trilogy by Calanthe (check it out on LJ, it is powerfully and beautifully written, altough very out of my comfort zone) I could not get it out of my head and had to find a way to digest the whole thing and express how I felt and what I learned, and this came out. I'm not sure it will make much sense if you haven't read her work first. It also took me a long time to decide to share this poem. Even more than usual, reviews are loved.

* * *

**Paths of Redemption**

* * *

The journey has been dark, not all darkness is evil

and honey, although tainted, is still sweet

...

Nobody needs a hero nowadays

I survived, with emotions held in check

numbness spreading, swallowing my old self

I can take hardness better than this void

and the games that I play to feel alive

barely bring me release. There's no relief

inside the flesh of strangers. Then your eyes

hit a sparkle. Under disgusting things

coated in mud, uncaring and debased

you taste just like the innocence I've lost

...

_I've always been a coward, judge me not_

_if I'm powerless now. To be appreciated_

_I did worse things than suffering this ruin_

_There's never been rebellion in my bones_

_giving up pride my only revolution_

_My soul is soiled, corrupted and depraved_

_what I do to my body matters not_

_I'm lost in humiliation, sick atonement_

_for all my faults, and then your tongue's a blade_

_cutting into my shame. You do not gloat in vain_

...

When next we meet, I learn again to trust

you teach me that true strength lies in surrender

...

_First time I am in charge of what I choose_

_is when fire starts burning in your eyes_

_and I'm allowed to see what hides beneath_

_you cold façade, your eagerness to feel_

_so I flood you with sensations, split you wide_

_shattering your illusion of detachment_

_and I fill up your emptiness, so deep_

_that something has to spill. This is your thaw_

_and the greatest of triumphs, when I see_

_that everywhere I touch, you flare to life_

_..._

Wash my weaknesses, watch me at my worst

stroke my walls, use my body as a glove

So we sink into depths previously unreached

bonded by means of bondage, till your fist

clenches around my heart, muscles and nerves

completely at your mercy, with the faith

that every need I feel, no matter how unclean

how filthy, guilty, scary, gory or gross

you will accept as natural and pure

and meeting it will be your utmost joy

...

Hope is dangerous, so much more than despair

you taste it once, and you'll forever crave

...

Then we part, and it feels like phantom limbs

awakened, tingling, hurting, forcing me

to think I'd better cut them out again

for I can't stand this hollowness, not now

I'm lower than the centre of the Earth

as I lay limp. I'm anybody's toy

a broken doll, discarded and abused

at last disarmed to fight, when I choose life

and there you are, saving my soul again

with promises unspoken, unrevealed

...

_When I stumble on you, I'm not surprised_

_to find you in this unconsciousness, but still_

_is your vocation being the whipping boy?_

_The scapegoat for the madmen of this world?_

_The puppet of a prophecy no more_

_stop acting like the willing sacrifice_

_I cannot suffer your disintegration_

_unless it's by my hand, maybe not even then_

_Quit this game, it is dangerous and fool_

_It's violence you need? Come play with me_

...

I am a twisted, broken, damaged boy

are you my peace, the one who can complete me?

...

_Scars and bruises inside cannot be seen_

_bring them out, make them visible, they'll heal_

_under your careful treatment. Taste my blood_

_draw livid blooms like snakes around my spine_

_Paint me gryffindor red, slither under my skin_

_that I may keep the echoes of your touch_

_Mark me yours, strip my back, drive me past pain_

_till I will reach the edges of myself_

_then push me far beyond, undo my being_

_embed into my core, re-build me around you _

...

My strength's a gift from you. I've got no power

to spread you out, except if you comply

There's no need for restraint, were you unshackled

you'll not escape, nor move much more than shudder

I'm not to punish you, nor I'm to take revenge

With this wounds that you're eager to receive

I claim you: yielding body, unscathed soul

As I caress you, hit you, flog you, slash your flesh

I aim to bare your ribcage, touch your heart

keep it safe, set it free, bond it to mine

...

We find salvation by the strangest ways

your kiss my absolution, Love your name


End file.
